Thoughts Need Company

My Life of Sports and Mental Health

I am an athlete, and I play basketball for a living. I do not make much money playing basketball in different European countries, but, nonetheless, I enjoy supporting my family by playing a game I love. I am a basketball player, but I am also a father, husband, son, brother, entrepreneur, and, recently, an author. I decided to write this for basketball players, and for other athletes with goals and dreams to succeed in sports and life, which are closely related. The path of an athlete, that I will identify as a “player,” is treacherous and challenging, but highly rewarding. Many children aspire to become collegiate or professional athletes, but as a player who has reached and succeeded both levels, I have learned that aspirations and decisions are different. One who aspires to be something may not decide to become it, but when I made a decision to work to become a professional athlete, my life changed.

At a young age, I made decisions with one goal in mind: become a professional athlete. I decided to play multiple sports, practice often and extra, watch sports movies, go to sports events, and more. My life changed after deciding to become a professional athlete because it caused me to adopt a new mindset, work ethic, and lifestyle. I decided to choose basketball as a career at a young age, although I did not know how difficult it really is to succeed.

Today, the sports industry, both participatory and spectator sports, is worth about $620 Billion, and continues to grow at a rapid pace.* Many spectators, investors, and athletes get a piece of the pie whether one is betting on a game/event, owns a team, or plays the game. From youth to professional sports, money is constantly being generated, and, unfortunately, the amount of pressure this places on athletes can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and hardships.

I may have made the decision to pursue basketball as a career, but I originally began playing for fun. I enjoyed dribbling a basketball, making a shot, running up and down the court, and playing defense. The best advice I can give to any athlete is to have fun. Enjoy playing as much as you can for as long as you can because someday you won’t be able to play anymore.

It can be easier said than done because the higher levels reached in sports, the more difficult it can become to simply play for fun. When playing begins to feel more like a responsibility than a game, it can cause athletes to experience an array of emotions that can impact the way they think, work, and play.

As an athlete myself, I am 100% for the athlete. I believe it is great that there are worldwide organizations, companies, and fans that enjoy watching athletes showcase their talents to audiences across the globe. I also appreciate the organizations encouraging more children to participate in sports because there are many life lessons that can be taught through sports. However, many athletes are viewed as “bigger-than-life” figures, and often have to live up to higher standards. There is nothing wrong with this, as I know many athletes strive to set the standard; however, it is important that people understand that athletes are humans with emotions like any of us, and their emotions and mental health health must be a priority; their well-being is more important than selling tickets.

I began playing sports as a child because I enjoyed it, and I cared nothing about how many people bought tickets to watch me play. I knew nothing about endorphins as a 5 year old, but those endorphins would spike in my head every time I caught, dribbled, threw, or hit a ball. When I played tag with my friends, or raced the USPS driver on my bicycle, which ended with my front tire hitting the sidewalk curb causing a pretty gnarly crash onto the concrete pavement, I felt those endorphins surge through my mind (along with the pain). It has not been a painless journey, but there is always a part of me that knows what it feels like to do something for fun. One of the main reasons I even continue to play competitive basketball today is because I still get some of those same feelings I felt when I was kid. The feeling of excitement from making a three pointer, or the exhilaration from stealing the ball and scoring a layup on the other end. At times, I still feel like a kid playing for fun, but unfortunately, the farther I’ve made it in sports, the harder it became to maintain that same feeling I had when I played as a kid.

For those who may not know what life is like as a athlete, or think you might know, but you’ve never played an organized sport, then imagine this:

You or your parents decide that you will play sports as a child. You take a liking to one of those sports, and you find yourself playing that sport in your free time. You enjoy that sport so much you decide to begin submerging yourself into and identifying yourself as part of the sport’s culture. You watch professionals of the sport, and copy their moves, attitudes, and styles when competing. Soon you begin to change the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you act, and the way you spend your time. The sport becomes a part of your lifestyle; it becomes part of who you are. Overtime, it consumes you.

You continue to grow up in the school system while playing on local AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) and select teams, Boys and Girl’s Clubs, church leagues, and local parks and gyms. The better you become, the more people begin to notice, and the more people start talking about you as an athlete. Even athletes at the local gyms begin noticing your talent, leaving some in awe while putting a target on your back for others to want to play against you, beat you, or befriend you.

The thought of playing varsity in high school, and then earning a college scholarship begins sounding more and more of a probability than a dream. It becomes so real, that you decide to work even harder and do whatever it takes to excel in your chosen sport. You become willing to do whatever it takes with no “buts.”

But 6am conditioning? But constant traveling? But being cursed out by coaches, teammates, and opponents? But study hall? But teachers and classmates telling you it’s impossible? But late nights and early mornings? But injuries? But surgeries? But blood, sweat, tears, and fights? But defeat and failure? But interviews? But annoying cameras and flashing lights? But constantly being put under a telescope to the point that if you do any wrong, then the media, fans, and spectators will blow your mistakes completely out of proportion? That’s right, you said “no buts,” so you have to deal with it, and do it with a smile on your face, otherwise, those college scholarship opportunities, checks, and everything you want out of sports will disappear in an instant.

Yes, all of this and much more come along with being an athlete. For some, they experience most, if not all, of these obstacles by the time they hit middle school or high school. For others, they may not have the experience until college. Regardless, athletes of all ages must deal with the constant obstacles that come along with being an athlete.

Let’s not get extra-curricular confused with a career of choice. Someone may participate in sports as an extra-curricular, but when a player decides to make that sport their career, then they have to put in more time outside of organized practices just to even have a chance of succeeding in it. But, what are the chances?

According to the NCAA (the National Collegiate Athletic Association), about 7% of high school athletes go on to play a varsity sport at the collegiate level, and less than 2% of high school athletes go on to play NCAA Division I (that’s 1 out of every 13 high school athletes and 1 out of every 57 high school athletes, respectively).* From there, only about 1.2% of Men’s NCAA Division I basketball players go on to the NBA, and .8% of Women NCAA Division I basketball players go on to the WNBA. You have a higher chance of getting accepted into Harvard (and, by all means, if you apply to Harvard I really hope you get in).* As big of a risk as it may seem to choose an athlete’s path, and although statistics say it is difficult, it remains possible.

Many people are quick to say, “You can’t do it,” or “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket,” or “The chances of you doing that are so unlikely it probably won’t happen.” The chances may be low, but it should not stop athletes from trying to reach your goals and dreams. By giving up, any chance of it actually happening become completely eliminated. In this life, if anyone wants to become successful, they must be willing to take risks. It is more useful to use negative rhetoric as motivation rather than discouragement. If someone truly believes they will succeed, and is willing to take the steps to increase their chances, then they should never give up.

When I was 11 years old, I was in the car with my teammate and his dad. We had just finished working out, and I was sitting in the backseat while my teammate sat in the front. We were on our way back to his house, when his dad looked at me through the rearview mirror and said in a lightly stern voice, “D.J.! You want to play in the NBA?”

“Of course,” I responded with supreme confidence.

My teammates dad continued, “What’s your Plan B if it doesn’t work out?”

Sitting back, I thought to myself, “What is my Plan B? If I don’t make it to the NBA, what am I going to do? I mean, I can become a doctor, or an architect. Maybe a sports broadcaster?…” The longer I sat there twiddling my thumbs lost in thought, the more my teammate’s dad knew he was about to make a point out of this.

Interrupting my thoughts, my dad’s teammate looked at his son and said, “Zach! What’s your Plan B?”

I peeked over the back of the passenger’s seat to notice my teammate, Zach, glaring at the road ahead with a confident, calm, and serious look on his face. “There is no plan B,” Zach said. “Plan B only distracts from Plan A.”

“Plan B only distracts from Plan A?” I asked myself. “But, so many people have told me I needed a backup plan in case the NBA doesn’t work out. So many people say it is nearly impossible to make the NBA, so without a backup plan, I might even find myself homeless someday.”

“Plan B only distracts from Plan A!” Zach’s dad confirmed. “If you are focused on a backup plan, how can you focus on your plan!”

As an 11 year old, I was conflicted because many adults including family members told me to have a backup plan. Some even told me to have a Plan C! It is not wrong to have backup plans, but those backup plans can become a distraction. If you want something badly enough, if you want Plan A to work out, then give that plan your all, and don’t give up until you reach your goals and dreams! I realized how valuable Zach’s dad’s advice was, because Zach became an NBA All-Star and an Olympic Gold Medalist, and continues to carve out a successful career in the NBA. Zach’s Plan A was the only plan, and I saw him stick to it!

So, why listen to a 20-som’n year old guy who has never played in the NBA? Why listen to someone who veered from Plan A (playing in the NBA), and settled for Plan B (playing professionally overseas), while pursuing Plan C (writing and entrepreneurship)? Although I pursue other paths during my playing career, I decided to write this book to share the guidance and lessons I have learned from many of the greatest athletes to ever walk this earth.

I was a witness to the guys who stuck to Plan A. We played on teams together and against each other, and I had the opportunity to witness how hard they worked, how coachable they were, and how focused they remained throughout their careers. I watched Jerami Grant ride the bench on our AAU team, then sprout into an Olympic Athlete. I witnessed Zach Banner and Daeshon Hall exceed in both basketball and football, then decide to choose football and solidifying spots on NFL rosters. As a senior in high school I played against a scrawny sophomore named Dejounte Murray, and watched him grow into one of the best point guards and defenders in the NBA. And, as mentioned, I watched a 10-year old Zach Lavine sitting in the front seat of his dad’s car tell me that there is no Plan B, only Plan A. These were only a few of the guys I witnessed become top athletes of the world, and I am grateful for every memory I have with all of them because now I am able to share those memories in hopes to inspire the next Zach Banner or Zach Lavine.

As for my career, I have never played in the NBA, but I played in some of the top leagues containing NBA talent throughout Europe. I never played at major division I university, but I did help lead a mid-major college win a conference championship and compete in the NCAA Tournament. Also, I was never invited to renowned Nike and Adidas summer basketball camps, and I did not receive many college scholarship offers, but I was the Washington State Player of the Year, and have created a career I am proud of.

I still have NBA dreams (literally, I have dreams of playing in the NBA), but I used to think that I was either going to make it to the NBA, or die! I thought that anything short of playing in the NBA would mark my entire life as a failure and my time spent playing basketball throughout the years would have all been for nothing! Thankfully, I realized that life has so much more to offer, and that basketball was simply a vehicle to help me get from one point to another. I learned that if I gave my time, effort, and energy to the game, then it would give back! Basketball has introduced me to many people, places, and experiences, and has even put a few dollars in my pocket. I will always cherish the moments I get to play a game for a living!

` For most athletes who aspire to turn pro, their journey begins at a young age. Their sport somewhat becomes their life, penetrating their minds and consuming them on a daily basis. They want to walk like an athlete, talk like one, and eat like one. Their schedule begins to center around their sport, and their social media profile may label them as an athlete. Their news feeds on their phones may be filled with highlights, quotes and pretty much everything having to do with their sport and its culture. At family gatherings, their cousins, uncles, aunties and family-friends will ask them how they are doing in their sport. If they are ballin’, then they’ll stroke their ego, and if they are not doing well, then they’ll either encourage them or let them know they’ve been stinking it up! Regardless, everywhere they go, they will become known as a “basketball player,” or a “football player” or a “soccer player,” etc. But they cannot let anyone define them, and they have to know that they are more than just an athlete. Much, much more!

This can put pressure on them, and yes, pressure makes diamonds, however, pressure also bursts bubbles! If they do not know how to handle the pressure, they can fall off a steep cliff making it difficult to climb back up. They can mentally fall down a dark abyss and wonder how they got there. They can search for strength and stability, and instead find drugs and alcohol, or partying, lust and guilt. On top of that, they may develop mental health issues that can become debilitating.

These mental health issues include addiction and co-occuring disorders, anxiety and phobias, bipolar disorder, co-dependency, depression, eating disorders, grief and bereavement, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), personality disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), self-injury, and suicide.* These issues can cause a feeling of heaviness that discourage you, and invades your mental space. They can also cause feelings of sadness and hopelessness, angry outbursts, poor performance in school, lost of interest in sports or hobbies, difficulty sleeping, and even unexplained physical problems such as back pain or headaches.*

I am not a doctor, nor am I a scientist, but I do know what it feels like to experience most, if not all, of the mental health issues above. I also know, however, what it feels like to fight, manage, and overcome these issues. For the sake of not making this book solely about mental health, I will try to only focus on a few of these issues (depression, anxiety, addiction, self-harm, and suicide) when discussing my experiences with them. If you’ve ever experienced mental health issues, then you know what it feels like, and with the tools and advice I am going to share, I hope that someone, somewhere will be inspired, or motivated to seek the help they need.

Competitive athletes, and, specifically, student-athletes, may require unique attention when it comes to mental health because only they know how difficult it can be to balance sports, school, and life. Unlike non-athletes, student-athletes must balance a typical class schedule along with the high-demanding schedule of an athlete that include organized practices, games, traveling, study hall, film-study, interviews, and more. It is important to know that when dealing with these tasks while battling mental health issues, there are a number of philosophical, psychological, and practical skills and tools that are proven to help people deal with these sorts of issues, and that will help athletes reach their goals and dreams.* I am not technically qualified to tell anyone exactly what they should do when dealing with mental health issues and/or episodes, but I will use my experiences and knowledge as a professional athlete and college graduate to inspire and motivate you.

Whether you have dreams of playing varsity in high school, playing in the NCAA, making it to the pros either domestically or internationally, or are a parent or coach with the desire to help your child or player exceed, then it is important to know that there are tools available to navigate the hills and valleys of the life as an athlete. *list tools available

As God has led me to places I never thought I would go, and to people I never thought I would meet, it is my responsibility to share my knowledge and experiences to help someone on their journey. I hope this book can serve you in one way or another, as I am prepared to tell you about the good times and the bad times of my life, along with the advice and instruction that has been passed along to me by educators, mentors, and some of the best athletes this world has ever seen.

I was never much of a reader or writer throughout my years of schooling, and I literally never received an “A” in English. I’d buy books only for them to collect dust on the shelf, and I would journal in middle school and high school to help with my depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until I became a professional athlete in a small town outside of Budapest, Hungary, where I found myself alone in a studio apartment battling a number of mental health issues, that I gained a deep appreciation for reading and writing.

I read to pass time, and wrote to clear my thoughts. I became lost in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, and I learned how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.* I improved my daily habits with James Clear’s Atomic Habits, I learned how to wisely invest my money with Tony Robbin’s Money Master the Game, and I learned about myself with Joy Degruy’s Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome.* These books, and many more, gave me a new appreciation for reading and writing. I’m not sure what inspired me to begin, but I guess one day I just decided to start reading more and journaling my experiences. So, that’s what I’ll do here, I’ll just start, because if you want to be successful at anything, you must start somewhere.